For the Goddess

                  Are you afraid of the dark?                          

I am.

I wrote this stuff because I recently became afraid of the dark. Funny it is. What do you think?

Before I am a night person, I enjoyed walking along the streets and greens while the cool air is blowing. I can stay till dawn in the campus doing some overnight activities like watching concerts and plays, org rituals, doing lab in micro, reviewing in the tambayan, fixing exhibit,making projects,eating, drinking, or just chatting with some friends or classmates. It is also the best time to be with someone you love who inspires you in every way, lying on the field(not what you think!)and just watching the stars till you see the last one in the dark.

Silence.

Darkness is usually accompanied by silence. That silence will give us dreams that are mostly chaotic. I always imagine that I can be caught by a vampire, that creature will drink my blood, take my breath away, send me into oblivion and share their immortality and powers with me. The thing is that I want some powers that vampires have. And I can have it only in the dark.

Power.

During the middle of the night,when everything seems so dark, have you experienced a sudden feeling of power? Just the power of the mind, when you can fully concentrate and that ideas are overflowing, especially when you don’t need and least expect it. The time when you best laid the plans for the next hours and days.

Darkness under the sheets.

Have you experienced crying under the sheets? When you feel so hurt, the only way to express it is to cry in the night, shout against the dark, and wish you were sleeping, like the silence of the tomb when you can be at peace.

These were the things I love about the dark.

However, a few days ago, I began to hate it. Being alone in the dark accompanied with silence becomes suffocating. I started breathing heavily feeling that I have less of oxygen in my blood. Numbness creeps in me that I cannot feel my own flesh. I was awaken and began to cry. It was really fearful. I thought I would never be awakened. I began to realize that I cannot stand the feeling of a sudden death.

I am afraid of the dark because I am afraid to die.

I am afraid of seeing darkness forever.

And I fear the feeling of never continuing to live.

I still have things to do to make my life worth living.

I cannot die now.

Note: This is the original article I’ve sent to Youngblood-Philippine Daily Inquirer last Oct 18,2006. It was edited and published on Oct. 31, 2006 issue at page A11 Opinion section.

                  To walk or not to walk? That is the question.  

I chose not to walk.

Recently, we were required to participate in the so-called “Alay-Lakad”. But I did not participate. Perhaps, many will think that I am really a stubborn student or “pasaway”. Judge me not for I have my reasons, sound and sensible.

What does this activity mean to me?

It is a service that is given freely, shared for goodwill and purpose, completed through walking around a community or a certain place.

Apparently, I decided not to join because there is no main purpose or objective given in doing the activity. Is it about arousing the mind and heart of mankind on living a quality life? Will it help decrease drug abuse, prostitution, child labor, crime, or environmental degradation? Does it mean to educate people on health, social, political, and spiritual rights? I believe every activity has its own time and purpose. But this one I think is about obedience.

I’d rather participate in a student rally to express the right as an individual and exercise freedom, to awaken the mankind on the essence of justice and on being firm and dignified as a Filipino.

I also consider participation in a medical mission a true achievement. It will provide health care and teachings in our people to help them become more responsible and independent on their health.

It is also beneficial to plant trees in the community and educate people about cleanliness and preservation of the environment. There are other things which are essential to do that by merely walking.

If the activity is “given freely”, then why is it considered a requirement? If one fails to participate, does it equate punishment? Then the real essence of the activity is measured by compliance, not by the fulfillment and achievement felt on doing a sensible thing.

Walking is a good exercise. But it is not always good depending on the motive. It can be a tool to exercise good will or power. It is not bad to walk with others, but if an action becomes unreasonable, then it is better to stand still, and not to follow. Sometimes disobedience becomes good and right. It becomes meaningful and defines man’s rationalism.

That is the reason why on earth at my age I never attended any activity of that kind. I hope next time I can participate, that is, only when walking becomes worthy.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ An essay written by Joyce Lou G. Penales, BS Biology , University of the Philippines -Los Baños, and currently taking up BS Nursing in University of Perpetual Help System.

    I am back again as a student but in a different university. Before, I had a hard time choosing a school, but of course this one complied on my busy and active life.

    Culture shock is one thing I have experienced again, since it’s a new university for me,new system, definitely  I have to follow new rules.

    We are only allowed to wear proper uniform, with school ID, and nameplate. No earrings, bracelet, anklet, or rings. Hair should be in "boknay". Some instructors were requiring students to purchase a book as a reference and will be given added points. There are a lot of requirements which can be measured by points or grades. Attendance is a must and is graded.

    I am four months in this academe, sometimes I wish that I am still studying in my previous school where academic freedom is prioritized, where we can assert ourselves, where we can learn the things essential in life. I am reminded of the past. Reminisces, pieces of yesterday, everything.

    Again, I have to write on my notes, review lessons, listen to the professors, and do research. The difference is that I have to pay now for the knowledge and skills and for everything in the university. I have to recite the hymn and prayer. And follow the rules strictly.

   For now I need to do these things to attain my goal.

   I need to conform to survive.