For the Goddess

                  Are you afraid of the dark?                          

I am.

I wrote this stuff because I recently became afraid of the dark. Funny it is. What do you think?

Before I am a night person, I enjoyed walking along the streets and greens while the cool air is blowing. I can stay till dawn in the campus doing some overnight activities like watching concerts and plays, org rituals, doing lab in micro, reviewing in the tambayan, fixing exhibit,making projects,eating, drinking, or just chatting with some friends or classmates. It is also the best time to be with someone you love who inspires you in every way, lying on the field(not what you think!)and just watching the stars till you see the last one in the dark.

Silence.

Darkness is usually accompanied by silence. That silence will give us dreams that are mostly chaotic. I always imagine that I can be caught by a vampire, that creature will drink my blood, take my breath away, send me into oblivion and share their immortality and powers with me. The thing is that I want some powers that vampires have. And I can have it only in the dark.

Power.

During the middle of the night,when everything seems so dark, have you experienced a sudden feeling of power? Just the power of the mind, when you can fully concentrate and that ideas are overflowing, especially when you don’t need and least expect it. The time when you best laid the plans for the next hours and days.

Darkness under the sheets.

Have you experienced crying under the sheets? When you feel so hurt, the only way to express it is to cry in the night, shout against the dark, and wish you were sleeping, like the silence of the tomb when you can be at peace.

These were the things I love about the dark.

However, a few days ago, I began to hate it. Being alone in the dark accompanied with silence becomes suffocating. I started breathing heavily feeling that I have less of oxygen in my blood. Numbness creeps in me that I cannot feel my own flesh. I was awaken and began to cry. It was really fearful. I thought I would never be awakened. I began to realize that I cannot stand the feeling of a sudden death.

I am afraid of the dark because I am afraid to die.

I am afraid of seeing darkness forever.

And I fear the feeling of never continuing to live.

I still have things to do to make my life worth living.

I cannot die now.

Note: This is the original article I’ve sent to Youngblood-Philippine Daily Inquirer last Oct 18,2006. It was edited and published on Oct. 31, 2006 issue at page A11 Opinion section.

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