For the Goddess

I was surprised by a message from an ex-bf. He asked me if I stayed in the house because he wanted to visit and perhaps, just chat with me. Unfortunately (For him! hehe), I had anatomy and sociology class on the morning and hurried to work in the afternoon. 

It was funny that I had to wonder about his message. Then, apply my If’s theory. hehehe.

What if I stayed in the house? If I was there, what are the things we might talk about? If he texted me for that, does it mean something deeper?

I was in my 3rd year college when he became my bf. We had a good relationship on the first few months, but it ended badly because of some misunderstanding,distance, and immaturity. He was very jealous and always exaggerate things. He restricts on the things I want do and what to wear. It was a battle. We broke up and my grades became miserable especially my ZOO 113. I was raging to see him. But, we just met and settled things after two years.

Now, he wanted to see me. Tsk. tsk. tsk….

Nonsense.

 

January 1, 2007 was a blissful start of the year for me. After a couple of anguish and misunderstanding, we were able to talk seriously about our future. He was looking through my eyes, trying to instill what his heart feels.

The moment he laid his plans struck my world with cosmic veracity as if we were alone in this galaxy. I don’t know what to say, the only thing that matters is the truth that he wished to marry me. He did not proposed directly but I know what it means. I also wanted for that, for whatever reasons, it is what I dreamed of.

I was looking through the future with enthusiasm. I also have this minute of reminiscence about what we have been through these four years of caring and loving each other. We have been through a lot of struggle, the aftermath of immaturity, and burning pride. But, as we are going through the relationship, we were able to grow together.

However, just last night when I was about to sleep I begin to reflect on that matter. When you are going to marry someone, you will be giving yourself, such a sacrifice!

It is not only about being together, eating together, or talking endlessly. It is a great responsibility, it is about love.

I’ve been questioning his reason behind this urge. Is it an SOP to the consequence of the ad hoc? If it is not for that, perhaps he will not consider that now. And it will still be a dream. Then, it is not about me, it is about the other.

Maybe, I am thinking solely of myself. There would be a lot of limitations when you enter a marriage life. I’m afraid my self-expression would be restricted. Perhaps, I am not yet ready for it.

I believe in marriage. I believe in its sanctity. I would never betray it. I would not marry for any other reasons than of love.

I asked myself, am I ready to change my name?

A moment of reflection changed me.

JLGP

1/4/07