For the Goddess

There are reasons for every step we take. There are also several perceptions for every side of the story. But on our story, I am not sure what reasons we had for bringing it out.

Primarily, we both never expected for a second chance of reuniting. I, myself, had no idea that this thing could be possible after years of not seeing each other and by just being friends. It just happened after a painful loss of a common friend. Staying late at wakes gave us the moments of being together just like the old times.

Joy, friendship, concern, thoughtfulness, excitement, and mental gymnastics are the important elements for a healthy relationship. And by the way, what kind of relationship is that?

He was a former boy friend; I ended the relationship with rage and bitterness tattooed on my mind after believing that he lied to me. Only at this time that I learned the truth, accepted that I was wrong, and only at this time we continued what we ended incompletely.

Continuing our story is also difficult. There were no rules, no expectations, and as much as possible, no emotions involved. However, a couple of days ago, I began thinking about us for a very long time. I even started wondering about my true feelings.  I admit my emotions allowed my sleepless nights.

I had options, whether to continue formally our story or end it beautifully for the second time.

Continuing it allows us to experience what we failed to do in our past. It is something that makes my heart leap and beat a little faster. It is something that keeps me awake during late hours. It is something that we awaited for the coming days. It is something that keeps me smile, keeps me on my feet, and keeps me enthusiastic. Continuing it leads us to different possibilities, whether good or bad.

I don’t have anesthesia for pains. But I suppose that ending this story for the second time is a little painful. Perhaps, because at this time, we are not totally “emotionally involved” with each other and that we matured as rational beings.

Mutually, we believe that this is not the proper time of strengthening it. It is not the right time because we have different priorities which do not complement. He is right when he said that it is not enough that we see each other, it is not enough that we care for each other, and it is not enough that we spend time together if we do not have “love” for each other. And love creates family; it is the foundation of marriage.

There were reasons for every step we take. There are essences for every story we create. But on our story, I have to leave it on faith.

Joyce 042707