For the Goddess

I’d like to touch his heart

Crush it with my bare hands

To feel its pumping motion

To feel it’s aching

Bleeding, begging for life.

I am longing for some time

To dig my fangs through his neck

How I fancy looking at his blood flowing

How I dream to feel its warmth

And taste his only life

I’d like to tickle his brain

Pleasure him with images.

Shatter him with the unfathomable

It’s my reverie to watch him

While his eyes show some tears

To look beyond his physique

I just wonder.

Is he real?

I want to know him.

091807

Yesterday, I’ve been watching Tom Hanks’ Road to Perdition when suddenly heavy rain poured down, and electricity was cut off. I was really disgusted since the climax of the story is already near. There is nothing to do and I loathed it.

I opened the door and fall in love with the rain. I had several memories about the rain. I remembered during childhood when I bathed under the rain with neighbors. We were making sand balls and we throw at each other’s face. We had races in climbing trees and we run around the barangay. We loved biking against the strong winds and I loved the feeling of drops which touches my skin. With all of these, I decided to go out and after a long time, again I bathed under the heavy rain.

I was like a madman, jumping and yelling against the noise of the rain. I felt contented and peaceful.

This is a simple way to enjoy nature. This is a simple way to enjoy life.

Today, I am waiting for the sky to fall in tears.

I am waiting for the rain to come.

091407

I woke up around 8am today, with all my chores lined up on my head and a dream. Last night I had my first dream about my crush. It was like the normal circumstances in school activities, nothing special or extraordinary about it. But this is the first time I had a dream about him.

Am I in any reality or in any reason hooked on him?

This must be my struggle to forget him, to rationalize things, and to lead a normal life. But it seems to be powerful to be captured even in dreams. Perhaps I am too much delving into the reality of this odd phenomenon. Well, it is never my fault, his memory insists on being remembered.

I started pouring water on the washing machine. I’m glad to use it for the first time. I bought it for only Php500 from a neighbor who evacuated last Saturday. I’m happy because I can now wash my 3-month old bed sheet full of dust. Pearly, my house mate woke up from the noise of the machine. It was an advantage; at least I can now open the television without any hesitation and watch Erap.

I remember watching him since he was ousted from being president and Jose Velarde case. Now, he is being watched my millions of Filipinos waiting for the verdict.

Anyway, he is not the reason of this article. I cooked our breakfast and my lunch. Pearly went home to Tagaytay and will come back tomorrow. I forgot to inform from the beginning of this article that today is our rest day.

After the laundry and lunch, I started playing games in the lap top. Then, I read again my essays. I edited some of it. I enjoyed reading and remembered what I felt when I wrote it. But, the most predominant essay I care about is about boredom. I remember telling that it is essential to be happy when there is a free time like I had today.

I am not bored. I feel comfortable in this apartment. I am just thinking a lot about my crush. Oh, am I behaving like a high school girl? Forgive me for that but I relish it.

Perhaps this afternoon, I will do the taebo exercise, iron my clothes, organize my things, and watch a movie by Tom Hanks or Brad Pitt in the laptop. I will sleep early and hope (crossing fingers) that for the 2^nd time, I will dream of him again.

Now, sleeping becomes helpful. (winks;)

Joyce

091207